Let's Talk About Loneliness And 'Doing' Life Solo
Have you also gone through a phase in your 20s where you dreamt how your 30s would look like? Maybe surrounded by people, family, your person…
You then blinked, you’re already in your 30s, and at a phase where you never really anticipated. There is a feeling of deep loneliness and uncertainty for the future but it doesn’t make sense because you are surrounded by humans who keep reminding you that you will be just fine! You can’t help but roll your eyes at them… how many times do you have to hear the same old news. Phrases like, ‘You are still young, beautiful, smart, funny’, blah blah blah… Don’t tell ME that, say it to my biological clock!* rolls eyes at them again *
One day though (one of many), whilst you are pondering about life, things are starting to make a bit more sense as to why you are feeling this way, which feels like finding another small piece of the puzzle. The last time you felt this way,was during your teenage years, where society told you that you should be out drinking, partying and having lots of friends. Guess what though… this wasn’t you. You didn’t like drinking, partying and you didn’t have as many friends. That’s when you felt really lonely. So if you had to connect the dots, you realise that the reason why you might be feeling like this way again in your 30s, might be because society told you that you should have already found your person, got married, figured life out and settle somewhere with someone. But you’re just not there yet… There aren’t many people to connect with anymore, people are glued on their phone, friends are either busy or have other plans with their ‘significant other’ or family.
As you are typing this, whilst sitting alone at a hotel lobby, in the middle of nowhere in a German city, eating some pasta with fish prepared ‘just for you’ by a very friendly waiter (hint hint, there are some people out there who think you are cool and you can connect with), you suddenly remember that you are trying your best. You are not the kind of person that waits until they find their person/people to ‘do’ life with. You are ‘doing’ life with none other than yourself. You’ve learnt to dine alone, travel alone, go to the cinema alone, go to a concert alone, explore alone, just because you aren’t getting any younger. And whenever you remember that everyone will eventually die alone, you say to whoever claims that they can’t live without another person the following: Well, it sucks to be you, at least the only person I can’t live without, is myself, and I will always have myself!’
There’s always however, a glimpse of hope that one day you will genuinely enjoy your own company and not just pretend that you are not missing something, or someone. Even better, there’s some real hope that your people/person is out there and they are seeking you as much as you’re seeking them. Because we are social creatures after all and as TikTok taught me (amongst other things), the quality of your life is highly dependent on the social interactions you have in your life. So don’t be harsh on yourself. You will eventually learn how to love your own company as much as you love being surrounded by other souls. And don’t get me started on people that say that whatever you are seeking is within you because I don’t understand that yet!
